You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
