It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
