Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
