I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
