glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
