Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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