I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
