She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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