we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
