Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want a musical about memes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
