Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
