Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
