Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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