just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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