im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
