One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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