More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
