Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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