I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
