Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize