she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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