can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
