I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
