He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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