And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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