She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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