someone threw a dead crab at me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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