Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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