the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
