Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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