Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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