thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
