I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
