Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
