I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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