Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
