I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I bet he comes in French.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
