so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize