after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
