kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
