ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
