sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
