I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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