I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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