i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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