R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
