i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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