Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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