There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
