I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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