So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
