I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
