My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
