my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
