I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
