I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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