she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
