he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
