Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
