I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
