i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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