I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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