is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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