nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.