I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everyone is single if you try hard enough
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think this conversation is over.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?