Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
