I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
