I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
